


Like the holding of hands, like the breaking of glass

by beautifulnow



Category: Electronic Dance Music RPF, One Direction (Band), liam payne - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Zedd, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Liam just Really loves Anton, M/M, Smut, Top Liam, insecure anton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:40:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21744667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulnow/pseuds/beautifulnow
Summary: Anton cuts his hair, and Liam wants to know why. AKA insecure Anton and a comforting Liam.
Relationships: Liam Payne/Zedd | Anton Zaslavski
Kudos: 11





	Like the holding of hands, like the breaking of glass

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote half of this whenever anton cut his hair, but listening to liams album inspired me to finish it! also title is from wasteland, baby! by Hozier. also sleep deprived me “edited” this so if there’s mistakes my apologies!

“Anton?” Liam said quietly, watching from the halfway open doorway, as the older man stood in front of a full length mirror, in nothing but a pair of briefs, his hair wet, and much shorter than Liam had last seen it that morning. He furrowed his brows in confusion, walking into the room, shutting the door behind him. Anton looked at him through the mirror as Liam walked up behind him, wrapping his arms around his small waist. “Your hair. You cut it?” Anton said nothing, just nodded in reply. Liam watched through the mirror as he swallowed, and his eyes glistened, Liam could immediately tell something was wrong with him, and his suspicions were confirmed when a tear slipped from antons eyes. Liam pulled him closer into his chest, hugging him from behind, and burying his face in neck, leaving small kisses.

“Anton, baby what’s wrong?” Liam said resting his jaw on Antons shoulder watching as his boyfriend shook with tears. “I-“ he swallowed. “I don’t know.” Liam looked at him with sadness in his eyes, nothing hurt him more than seeing the person he loved most like this. Liam backed them up, sitting them down on the floor, Anton now in his lap. “Why did you cut your hair?” He said running his hand through antons, wet, freshly cut hair. “Do you like it?” Anton whispered, in a broken voice, ignoring Liams question. “Yeah, you look amazing. but I liked your long hair too.” Anton only nodded, looking down, watching as his tears began to fall onto his thighs. He felt liams arms move from his waist and instead snake around his arms pulling his back as close to his chest as possible. Anton lifted his hands, covering his face as he cried harder, sobbing uncontrollably. Liam only hugged him harder, letting him cry it out for a moment. 

“Tell me what’s going on?” Anton only nodded, attempting to compose himself before speaking. “I thought- that it would…” Liam can tell it’s difficult for him, he watches as antons tear stained face turns to look at him. “I thought that it would make me feel better...I guess?” Liam nods, letting him know he can keep talking, as he tries to understand where this is headed. “but it didn’t? I still..feel bad about my-myself.” He begins to break down again, his body shaking, with tears running down his face, Liam just wants to make all the pain go away.

“Hey, come here - turn around” Liam instructs and Anton obeys turning his body to now face liam his legs wrapping around his waist, as they stay sat on the floor. “What do you mean, you feel bad about yourself?” Liams asks, concern in his voice. Anton leans his head against Liams shoulder not willing to look him in the eye. “Like my body and stuff?” he says so quietly Liam can barely make it out. Liams heart breaks at that, he knows exactly how that feels, to not feel comfortable in your own skin, to want to be anyone but yourself, to feel trapped within yourself. It kills him to think Anton could think the same things he once thought of himself. 

“Look at me,” he says, rubbing Antons back comforting the older man. He looks up at Liam his green eyes shiny with tears. “You’re beautiful. In every way. I know you may not feel that you are, but believe me, you are. And what you’re feeling? I’ve been there, and it’s temporary, even though I know it probably doesn't feel that way.” Anton nodded, his eyes never leaving Liams as he took in his words, and even though the thoughts were still clouding his head it was a bittersweet feeling knowing Liam had been through this, though Anton couldn't imagine someone as perfect as liam ever feeling this way.

Liam brings his hands to antons jaw pulling his face close to his, leaving a soft kiss on Antons forehead, looking him in the eye once he pulled away. “You know, you have the most beautiful eyes,” he kisses antons eyelid, causing a small giggle from Anton “and the most adorable nose,” Liam kisses the tip of his nose, “and the softest lips,” He kisses antons lip, lingering longer than he had with the previous kiss. “and the prettiest neck and shoulders.” He leans down to kiss the crook where antons neck meets his shoulders. He then wraps his arms tightly around Antons waist shifting their bodies, so that Liam could stand up, Anton still in his arms,his hand coming around Antons bottom to stabilize them. As he walks them over to the bed behind them, he squeezes Anton’s butt. “Lets not forget you have the most amazing ass ever either.”

“Ever?” Anton replies as liam lays him down, hovering over him. “Ever.” He replies and leans down kissing Antons lips. When he pulls away he lowers his head down, kissing down Antons chest and stomach. “Look, the cutest tummy too.” He brings his hands up to antons legs and starts rubbing them up and down his thighs. “And of course your amazing thighs.” he slaps them lightly, smiling up at his boyfriend, who despite being teary eyed smiled back at him. 

“I love you, Liam.”

“I love you.” he kisses Antons stomach again. 

Anton runs his fingers through Liam’s hair. “I don’t deserve you.” 

“Don’t do that. Don’t put yourself down like that, okay? It’ll do you no good, babe.” He sighs, in frustration, wishing he could stop Anton from feeling this way, but also knowing it’s something Anton has to learn to stop on his own. “You deserve everything, and more. Trust me.” Anton nods, before speaking, “Come here.” He says, and Liam obeys crawling his way back up to be face to face with Anton again. Anton bring his hands to liams jaw, rubbing his thumb against his cheek, before pulling him down into a kiss. He pulls away momentarily “I really do love you.” 

Liam smiles at him, leaning down to kiss his neck, before whispering in his ear. “Were you doubting it?” he says jokingly, and Anton tugs at his shirt in an attempt to get liam off his neck to look at him, but has no luck. “Of course not! I just really...really love you.” He struggles to get out as Liam begins lightly sucking on his neck, only to pull away a moment later. “Well, I really really“ he pauses, as his rubs down antons thighs, and he moves his mouth to antons ear, lightly nibbling on it, before speaking again. “-really love you too, every single part of you.” 

Liam begins kissing down antons neck again, paying extra attention right below antons ear. “A-are you trying to get me hard? Cause it’s working.” Liam laughs into his neck, his hand sliding to where Antons cock is and squeezing it, “So, it seems.” Liam moves his hand back up to the hem of Antons briefs, his fingers softly trickling along his lower stomach, which would tickle if he wasn’t so turned on.

“I thought we were having a moment” Anton pants out.

“We still are. Now I just want to show you how much I love you.” Liam says his hand finding its way inside of antons underwear, wrapping it around his cock. “Can I?” Anton nods in reply, unable to speak as liam begins to move his hand up and down his cock. Liam begins kissing down Antons body again, this time stopping at his nipples, he sticks his tongue out, licking Antons left nipple, making it hard. Anton lets out a groan when Liam lightly sucks and nibbles on it, all while jacking him off.

He doesn’t waste any time licking all the way down to the hem of Antons underwear, his hand stopping all movement on his cock and coming up to the hem of his underwear pulling them off. He lowers himself so that his face is now in front of his cock, and kisses the tip first, then wraps his mouth around it, sliding it as far down his mouth as he can. Anton softly whimpers above him, his hands now running through Liam hair, directing his head to stay down, and Liam did exactly that, letting his cock hit the back of his throat, careful not to gag when it did. Anton let go of his head and instead sat up,with his hands on either side of his body to watch as Liam's head bobbed up and down his cock. His pretty lips looking even more red and shiny than they usually were, and Anton couldn’t wait to kiss them again.

“L-Liam?” Liam looked up at him a curious look in his eyes, his mouth not leaving his cock. “Come back up here and kiss me.” he says breathlessly. Liam lowers his head once more, before taking his cock out of his mouth with a pop, his spit mixed with antons pre-cum stringing from his mouth, he licks his lips before speaking. “So pretty.” he says kissing antons tip again, then makes his way back up to kiss his boyfriend. 

The kiss, is soft and full of love, neither of them wanted to let go, not now, not ever. Liam put every ounce of passion he had into it, he needed Anton to know just how much love he created within Liam, he’d never felt more alive than when he was him, and nothing mattered when he had Anton like this in his arms and his lips on his. He loved him more than he could ever say, not enough words in any language, alive or dead, could explain it, and if he couldn’t say it then right here with this kiss he would show it. Show it until Anton knew how loved and important he is.

When they finally pull away Liam smiles as he looks into Antons emerald eyes. “Damn. Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?” Anton feels himself blush, even though they’ve been together for 3 years he still can’t stop himself from getting flustered around Liam. “I wish I believed that. I just feel a little hopeless now.” he replies with a sigh, he’s tired of feeling this way, he doesn’t know how it ever got this bad. 

He was aware he’d never been the most confident person, especially as a teen hiding behind long hair, and a tough demeanor, or even in his early 20’s when he struggled to accept himself as a gay man, but now it felt as if it was all coming back, he saw himself getting older, and perhaps a little thicker, and at first he brushed it off, thinking maybe he just needed change. So he grew his hair again and for awhile he liked it, but he couldn’t help but feel like a teenager all over again, scared and insecure, using it as a security blanket. So, he switched up his style, bigger t-shirts, and looser pants, but it only made him feel worse. 

Today was his breaking point, he was so frustrated and fed up with the feeling of hating every part of himself, he thought maybe if he cut his hair it would be an eye opening change to see he never needed it in the first place, but instead it made him feel naked and exposed, as if everyone who looked his way could see deep within his soul, and they could see what he really thought about himself and in turn would end up thinking all the same things. It made him wish he could just disappear. 

“And you will. Maybe not today, but in time, you’ll see just how beautiful you are, and not just physically. You have a beautiful soul, as well, you always want the best for everyone and you’re so incredibly generous and loving, and understanding. You bring so much light to my life, and to all those around you, baby. Life would be meaningless without someone like you in this world.” Liam says his eyes glistening with tears. “Please tell me you’ll see someone about this? Because I know how hard it is and you can’t do it alone, and I can be here for you and help you too but sometimes it’s better to have someone else’s perspective.” 

Anton feels tears slide down his face, his throat hurts and his chest feels tight, he feels overwhelmed, not only because of Liams beautiful words, but his plea for Anton to get help, it hurts him all the more knowing Liam speaks out of experience. He nods at Liam, letting him know he understood and agrees. “I will. I will baby.” he struggles to say in a shaky voice. He pauses to compose himself, but it isn’t any help. “You’re so important to me, Liam.” He wails out. “I don’t know how I could ever live without you, you’ve touched me in so many different ways, and there isn’t a way i could ever repay you. I know you’ve struggled Li, more than I ever have and I want you to know how much I admire your strength, honestly it’s one of the many reasons I’m so in love with you. I don’t even want to imagine never having met you. Thank you for all that you do for me.” He sniffles before continuing, “And it’s you with the beautiful soul, by the way.” he laughs a little, to which Liam smiles, tears still in his eyes.

“I am so in love with you.” Liam says. Neither him or anton have stopped smiling at this point, despite their tears and quiet sniffles. “And I with you” Anton says leaning up to kiss Liams lips. “Now make love to me.” He says cheekily, while he wipes away Liams tears. 

“Of course, darling.”

They began kissing again, just as passionate as before but more freely, a weight had been lifted from the atmosphere, and they’ve never felt closer. 

It isn’t quick before Liams hands are back on Antons cock, him being completely naked making it easy for him, as he begins stroking him for the second time today. Antons moaning into his mouth, his hand rubbing his neck, and the back of his head, then tracing down his clothed chest, until he reaches Liams belt, he struggles to unbuckle it blindly but somehow manages out of sheer desperation. 

He quickly unbuttons and unzips Liams pants, not waiting for a second to find Liams cock, squeezing it, then dragging his thumb across Liams tip to feel the sticky cum that had begun leaking. It was Liams turn to moan now he loved nothing more than Antons hands on him, but he needed more. 

He pulls away from anton, he had begun feeling too hot for comfort. “I need to take these off” he says breathlessly, while anton nods in agreement removing his hand from Liam, and watches him stand in front of him, removing his shirt in such a desperate manor that it mad Antons dick ache. Anton brought his own hand to his cock and started stroking himself as he patiently watched liam remove his pants, his hard cock sticking up. Anton moaned quietly, his strokes increased in speed, as he thought about that huge cock being inside him and pleasuring his hole, he couldn’t wait to experience it again. He brought his other hand to his mouth, sucking on his own index and middle finger, moving his body to lay on his side now. When he his fingers were coated with spit he brought them to his ass, spreading himself open and sticking his middle finger in, making himself moan loudly all while he continued to stroke himself. 

This caught Liams attention, and he momentarily stopped removing his socks as he watched Anton pleasure his perfect body. He quickly became fully naked and he too began stroking himself loving his view. Antons desperate whimpers filled the room when he saw Liam watching him, and pleasuring himself, he really needed him inside him. “C’mon babe i’m waiting” he whimpered. Liam bites his lip and walks around Anton to get to the nightstand where they keep the lube, grabbing it, walking back to him and lying on the bed directly behind him. 

He removes Antons finger from his hole and directs his hand to move back to his front side, whispering in his ear, “I got you baby.” 

He uncaps the lube, squirting some onto his hand and then spreads anton apart sticking his middle and index finger in him. “a-ah yeah” Liam begins kissing the back of his neck and shoulders, his fingers swirling inside him, and scissoring him open. 

“I have an idea,” he whispers, taking his fingers out of Anton, which causes him to whimper in protest. “move this way.” he says as he directs anton to move horizontally, so that they were now facing the mirror in front of the bed, but both still lying in the same position with Liam behind him. “You’re gonna watch us make love. Watch me make you feel you good.” he says quietly in Antons ear, making eye contact with him through the mirror. Anton only nods, stunned but turned on by the suggestion. 

Liam kisses his neck, and begins where he left off, adding more lube to his fingers as he inserts a third, desperate to get his love prepped and ready. “F-fuck yeah, baby” Anton stumbles on his words the pleasure messing with his ability to speak coherently. 

“Touch yourself.” Anton obeyes, stroking himself. Liam watches in the mirror as Anton puts in work to pleasure himself with liam helping from behind, Antons mouth opens to let out his moans, his lips all swollen from all the kissing they had been doing earlier, his chest moving with every sound, he looked so hot. 

Liam his fingers from Anton, he uncaps the lube again squirts it onto his cock stroking himself to get himself coated, he then repositions himself, putting his left leg up, so that it forms a triangle, while the other lays flat, as he moves his cock directly in front of Antons rim, using a hand to keep Antons ass spread open for him, as he slowly inserts his cock into him. Anton moans loudly when it’s finally in, Liams cock always made him feel so full. 

“D-don’t go easy, I need you.” he moaned out, and Liam didn’t hesitate to listen, as he moved his right arm to rest right under antons head. He rams his cock into Anton, hard watching his body tremble in pleasure, his hole pulsating around him making him groan loudly into Antons ear. “Look how hot you look taking me, so good.” 

Anton bites his lip as he watches the site before him, sweat glistened on his body, and his cock was hard and leaking as he groped it. Liam rammed his cock into him again, his fingernails digging into the soft flesh of antons ass, he then slowly pulled out, only to roughly penetrate him again. Anton savored this, the way liam always knew what to do and how to make him feel, it was like they were one. He couldn’t stop all the noises he was making, he felt euphoric watching it all happen before his eyes.

Anton began pushing his ass back, needing more of Liam, quicker. Liam stopped thrusting completely, letting Anton take control for a moment, as he softly bit the tip of his ear, moaning. “Easy, love.” He moved his hand from antons ass, up to his hips, to hold him still. “I got you.” he whispered, then began to hammer into anton at a quick speed, circling his cock around to find his prostate, which he knew he found when anton let out an ear bursting moan, “Oh my FUCK!” 

Liam moves his from Antons hip, to his cock taking over for Anton and started stroking it. Anton attempted to turn his body at an angle, so he could kiss Liam, which was difficult but he managed to get a peck in, but mostly it was their heavy breathes meeting, both of them panting. 

“I’m gonna-“ before Anton could finish his sentence Liam interrupted. “Turn your head and watch” Anton listened, and watched as it only took liam 3 more thrusts before Antons stomach began to twitch, and he was cumming all over Liams hand, and his own tummy. “a-ah-aah liam” He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this good, even as he cums liam keeps at it, stroking him and thrusting into him, and kissing his shoulder, he felt so loved. 

As Liam watches the way antons cum splatters all over he feels himself getting sloppier with his thrusts but keeps at, he himself is so close, and seeing Anton all fucked out and covered in sweat and cum is all he needed, “So beautiful.” he whispers. He then starts thrusting even quicker, feeling Antons rim clenching around him, with every move, which is enough to have him cum, and fill anton up with his seed. He mumbles out a curse word, his hand roaming Antons thighs as he finally finishes. 

He rolls onto his back as exhaustion takes over him and anton is quick to follow despite the cum on his body, and lays on his chest, Liam wraps his arm around him bringing closer. Anton starts kissing up to his neck and jawline once he’s comfortably laid in his arms. 

“You make me feel so good,” Anton says quietly into Liams ear, and Liam smiles slightly “in more ways than one.” Anton continues kissing Liams exposed skin, while whispering thank you in between, and Liam wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world, he’s never felt so much love and adoration for anyone in his life. 

“I love you, you know?” Liam says contently. 

Anton smiles, because he does in fact know. He’s never had anyone who would go through all the extra lengths just to put a smile on his face, and everyday he’s grateful to have such a wonderful boyfriend, who cares. His mood had done a complete 180 from the morning and he knew Liam was to thank for that, even if tomorrow he wakes up feeling the same, he knows he has someone who loves him no matter what, and he hopes he can learn to be that person for himself as well. It might take some time to always feel this level of happiness, but for now he’s gonna treasure ever second of it. 

“I know, and I love you.”


End file.
